Thursday, September 22, 2005

Another story

My brother-in-law is a pharmaceutical sales representative. The job requires him to travel all around southeastern Iowa, visiting various doctors’ offices and attempting to sell his wares to the doctors there. It’s not a job I’d enjoy, nor be particularly good at, but he excels at it.

Well, one day, he stopped at a gas station to purchase a soda and use their pay phone. As he was using the pay phone, which was one of the outdoor ones you still see occasionally, a young boy, perhaps five or six years old, approached him. The boy walked over and just stood, looking up at him. “Hello,” my brother-in-law said.

The boy didn’t answer, but simply unzipped his fly and peed on my brother-in-law’s shoe. My brother-in-law, who had not anticipated this turn of events, jumped back quickly, out of the boy’s… stream. Then the boy’s mother saw what was going on.

“What are you doing?!?” she asked her son. “You don’t pee on him!”

With that, the woman took her son by the arm, and led him away, presumably to find those on whom he was supposed to pee. The mother said nothing to my brother-in-law. No “Sorry my kid peed on your shoe,” or anything of the sort. Just took the kid away.

My brother-in-law hung up the phone and went inside to wash off his shoe in the gas station’s restroom.


The end.

11 Comments:

Blogger Charlie said...

Hmmm... I, too, was going to suggest places to buy inexpensive ... whatever that guy was selling (go-carts? Blenders?). Oh, well.

Funny story. I approve, in general, of stories involving urinating. He isn't really your brother-in-law, though, is he? He's your sister-in-law's husband.

Here's an excellent site for any clothing-purchasing needs you might have.

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seems like this story should have a moral.

I wonder what it would be.

1:29 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

You're right--he's not really my brother-in-law, but I find that easier (though still plenty typing-intensive) to say/write than "my sister-in-law's husband."

It does seem like this story should have a moral... Um... perhaps, "Avoid the far SE corner of Iowa," or "Wear golahses while using pay phones."

3:27 PM  
Blogger Mark said...

This is a good read. Always interesting and uplifting, often humorious and insightful. This post is no less a jewel in the crown.

How about, "You should not judge a child until he has peed a pint on your shoes."

It's a moral with some old world feel and a modern twist.

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about, "No one really appreciates the free exercise of artistic expression."

Or, "Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to pee on drug reps."

10:28 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

I'd no idea this story would teach so many good lessons!

11:21 AM  
Blogger Charlie said...

Say, fellows, we're coming somewhat down to the wire for Matt's man-shower. We should pick a day for that.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Charlie said...

So what's the word, Hibby?

Any interesting events in your life recently?

1:14 AM  
Blogger Charlie said...

At least update the "about me" blurb.

9:20 PM  
Blogger Charlie said...

"If I Had a Million Dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies:

If I had a million dollars - if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a house - I would buy you a house
And if I had a million dollars - if I had a million dollars
I'd buy you furniture for your house - maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman
And if I had a million dollars - if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car - a nice Reliant automobile
And if I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had a million dollars
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had a million dollars
Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere

You know, we could just go up there and hang out. Like open the fridge and stuff. There would already be foods laid out for us, like little pre-wrapped sausages and things, mmm. They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon. Well, can you blame 'em? Uh, yeah!

If I had a million dollars - if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a fur coat - but not a real fur coat, that's cruel
And if I had a million dollars - if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet - yep, like a llama or an emu
And if I had a million dollars - if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains - ooh, all them crazy elephant bones
And if I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner

But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we'd just eat more. And buy really expensive ketchups with it. That's right, all the fanciest Dijon ketchups! Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

If I had a million dollars - If I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a green dress - but not a real green dress, that's cruel
And if I had a million dollars - if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you some art - a Picasso or a Garfunkel
If I had a million dollars - if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a monkey - haven't you always wanted a monkey
If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars, if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, I'd be rich

11:18 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

You're weird, Charlie. That's a funny song, though!

8:17 AM  

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